


Too Late

by songofhell



Series: The Sorrow of Death [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, Major Character Death is Canon, post season 12, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11496369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofhell/pseuds/songofhell
Summary: Dean struggles to comes to terms with everything he just lost.





	Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> While I'm still fiercely in denial about Crowley's death, I also felt the need to write something to cope with it.

“Dean.”

Dean blinked as he slowly uncurled his hands from the steering wheel, not quite sure of how long ago he’d pulled into the garage. Hell, he hardly remembered the drive home. He turned off the car, then let his hand fall to his lap as he realized he didn’t know what to do next.

“Dean, they’d-” Sam’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat before trying again. “They’d want us to keep going.”

The seconds ticked by as he gathered the will to respond. “Yeah,” he said, his voice rough. He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him – the sound echoing in the garage.

He and Sam didn’t say anything as they walked the library, then sat down and set to drinking.

Part of Dean didn’t have the strength to stay awake any longer, but most of him knew that the images he saw when he closed his eyes would only get worse when he went to bed – images of his mom disappearing through the rift, of Castiel dead on the ground, of Crowley… He slammed his bottle down on the table. “What was he thinking?” he demanded.

Sam turned to look at him and Dean could see his own sorrow reflected back at him in his brother’s eyes. It took him a minute to answer. “I guess…” he started, pain audible in his voice. “I guess he knew the rift wouldn’t close right away, and he was trying to hold Lucifer off as long as possible.”

He shook his head slightly, looking away. “No, I-I know what Cas was thinking, but…” He licked his lips, unable to get the words out.

“Crowley?”

The name sent a flare of pain through Dean, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he nodded.

“I don’t know,” Sam sighed. “He just… he told me the spell needed a life, and then…”

“And then he provided it.” He leaned back, pulling another beer couple of beers out of the mini fridge. He passed one to Sam, then opened the other, taking a long drink. “Why didn’t he tell us?”

“Because he knew we wouldn’t like it. But it’s not like there was another option.”

“We could’ve figured something out,” Dean protested hotly.

Sam shook his head. “We didn’t have time. Crowley is the reason we were able to make it out today with even a half-win.”

“I’m not even sure I’d call this half.”

“Lucifer’s trapped in another world-”

“Yeah, with Mom! And his son ran off – we have no idea what problems he’s going to cause.” He slumped forward, running a hand over his face. “I don’t know how to do this without them, Sam,” he admitted quietly, tears in his eyes.

“Me neither.”

When Dean finally did go to bed, he just laid there, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out why it was Crowley’s death that kept replaying in his mind, making him feel as though he was drowning. His relationship with Crowley had always been complicated – they had stopped being enemies some time ago, but they had never exactly been friends, despite Crowley’s efforts to change that. Still, Crowley had come through for them time and time again, and the more Dean thought about it all, the worse he felt.

He had never really allowed himself to think much of Crowley before because he was a demon, the King of Hell, and some part of him knew that if he thought about what he felt for him, he’d find something that was better left buried. But now he couldn’t stop it from coming to the surface, and he had to face the realization that it was too late to do anything about it. He could never make up for how he’d treated Crowley while he was alive, could never make up for never telling him the truth – and he didn’t know how to live with that.


End file.
